Damned but feeling love that cheer me up

its nice when life give you apple for once and when things goes the way you wanted it till shit happen and life take back the apple and give you to rot in hell....that is sometime no one like being alive and someone is special but we are doing what it take to help and make life better, i am trying my best to make thing better but life just like to fuck with people sometime and its just so mess up that sometime people is so weird and sometime feel like giving up but when she smile or just act cute, it just light up my world so much and when things goes wrong she is always there for me,and now i just want to be with her but its just too far and its hard for me to go and see her whenever i want and its more hard when there are small problem like missing stuff....damn life~~~

why always so bad?

Why life have to be so bad when everything was good and then suddenly everything become bad and sink to deep shit hell??why does this thing happen and it always a question that where by everything can be so confusing for me?! People say you should be happy that you have roof and parent and food and a lot of to be happy for and you should be happy...anyways its an emotional wars and always been down and no ups Why can I create an up or get an up for this life??

2013 bye bye

it the end of 2013 and it always seem time flies but when you think bout it, its slowly move on and in the end you think that there are always something more to do which u should have done or did it already~ well, its almost time when she told me the answer, the rejection has come to my mind and i am prepare but who knows what will happen, obviously my mind want her to accept me even i just started to chat with her and there is always nothing to talk about much and its super far and long distance relationship, it is not going to be easy but i always try my best to find love in every direction, its no longer the super happy and excited boy that can find love everywhere and dont care what happen to him and still make love appear out of no where, that boy grows and time and society change and shape him to something else... its sad when you learn that people are actually judgemental and not everyone is who you think they are, they may seem to be as what they were at first but then you see them change in front of you. its scare how to human race can really change and move. well from my year end till current lover and till human life this is one weird post but i always wanted to do a lot of stuff and always all in my head and financially i always have problems and i am not mentally capable to do so also~hope i find the courage and strength and money to do so! all the best to 2014!!!!

friends?!

sorry i dont think i have alot of friend i have alot of fakers friend need me when they are in deep shit~yes i say if there is a problem u could find me~but not like this shit~u need money u think of me?!wow~this is so not cool~u can find me urself and then i get it but this is total avoiding from me~hell no!!1i cant let this go~i gotta make him come see me~i dont give a shit who u r i am dead serious~too many ppl abuse the gentlemen and now they have to pay the result!this is not going to end well but i scare i m abit of soft hearted~ i dunno what to do~maybe i could get someone to help me but it seem there are alot of ppl busy with their life but i m the only one taking care of other ppl~i need to change who i m already this really take time but i also need to find out how to be me and help people without harming myself~

stupid life

never knew myself till today! or now~i still dont know who the fuck i am~i am mes up!!!no one is so messed up. i dont figure out who the fuck i am but i always copy people in tv or people to figure out who i am and i been like this for too long and its confusing. i cant give up because i need to figure out who the fck i am. i cant copy forever! i need to figure out who i am and learn it now. its tired and fucked up not knowing yourself and always been so confusing bout yourself.... i just simply hate it~

days not getting better

well,days not getting better... why i always write it here?! why when i have problem i spill it all out here is because even when you tell people they will spill it out and then u get feedback and people staring at you what is even the point when life is being unfair and always constantly giving you so many problem?!why do we need to fight to maintain our social life or status so hard when something so small bring you down?! my love life is going in a place where it only feels like shit, my friends treat me well but i am being an asshole... then my family is good but i always tend to give them problems and in the end i feel like the problem is me and not them and the choice i make is getting worst and worst by day... i just need time and someone to help me. i always thought by getting a gf can set me well and straight and not give me so many problems. help me someone please~ i need someone to help me, i cant handle so many problems at once and this is getting over and i really need someone to talk and set me well!!!!!!! sometime i ever wonder how people live when there is such huge problems there is sometime i just wish i can kill myself without so many problems. but what if i kill myself?! there is no point... its not an escape..i need and escape from this unfair world and cruel life.i am thankful for the people around me that tried to help me, yes i am but sometime i cant handle this i run away and learn to fight it with what i got.so please help me lord or someone out there. i need people to just give me someting that is correct for once!

Shit happen

alot has happen and in the end it has got to me so I need to solve it no matter how much help i could get~ Its not going to solve it self plus now with kar yee incident i need to focus on study and revise back wat happen to all the course i must finish within graduation!that is my only target for now for the short term future~i know it is not much to dream for but atleast something for me~i wanted to go overseas but i think i will take some time and maybe not nowbut soon i promise myself~i need to get my head straight and focus and try my best to achieve it lo!!!!!